it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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