I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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