You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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