It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
