I hate your face
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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