DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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