I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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