I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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