Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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