I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
