i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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