You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
