I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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