I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
