Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
