Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
