He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
