scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
