WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
