Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize