I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
