my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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