Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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