tell your sister to shave her snatch
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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