bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
