I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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