He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
