Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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