My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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