youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize