Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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