we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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