Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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