Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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