We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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