have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
