i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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