That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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