There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
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Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
did i walk over a car last night?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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