youre lurking in front of me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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