just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
