also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
