She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
