It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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