I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
