how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
