i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
