dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
