She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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