i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
