Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
