It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
