I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
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From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize