You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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