I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
