Just cropdusted the office
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
