if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
