I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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