Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
