I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
